Daisy and Chance

Well this week has been exceptionally hard. On Thursday while hanging out with a few friends my dogs got in to a fight. Chance my boxer wounded Daisy my Chawinner. I thought I had stopped it in time and got daisy bandaged up this is the forth time chance has done something like this. I had to make the devastating decision to give her up as I couldn't go on dealing with her out bursts. I spent that night crying over her and wishing i could change things. Talked to my husband and he agreed that this was the only thing to do. On Friday morning I awoke to daisy breathing strangely and not wanting to move. I examined her and found that she had swollen in the night and brusis had formed around her ribs. I called the local vet and came to the conclusion that she had internal bleeding and probably a punctured lung. I then made a even harder decision to put her down and stop the suffering. My parents and uncle came down from surprise and took me in to animal control where I surrender both my children to them. I can not begin to describe the amount of grief I have. I'm really alone now and slowly slipping in to a dark whole. I hope that starting school will help with this. I have lost so much and just wish I had someone to hold me and make it better. This is one of the moments I really need my husband.

Interesting few months

Well Its been an interesting few months mom and dad moved out and Sean came home on leave. It was great our friends from cali came to visit and the joy I had from just having them here was overwhelming. We hadn't seen Neil and Lacy in so long but as soon as they walked in the door it was as if we had never been apart. John and Jen came and brought Shasta with them to complete our family. One week of fun and friends and true happiness. But the week did end and I was left alone which took some time to get used to it but I did and now I love it! I went to Arkansas to see Tommy and his fam and to drive home with my parents. It was a nice visit and I got to look for a new place to live and see where I wanted to be. I'm home now and mom and dad are staying with me tell there apartment is ready. Its almost weird having them here its a funny balance of guest and not guest LOL.. Sean is signing up for another year and I'm looking forward to going to massage school. that's all for now.

Littel Update

Well I'm Trying to decide where I want to live. Sean and I want to live in the trees with green grass and property. I'm thinking of Colorado its a vary green place and it has some beautiful homes. But I don't know just something to think about. I'm having surgery in July on my shoulder and I'm a little nerves about it but i know its for the best. It just sucks that its happening right before Sean comes home. Sean comes home July 28Th and I cant wait I have gotten him tons of birthday gifts and I'm getting ready for his big birthday party! He's going to be 25 and I'm throwing a luau its going to be great. My mom and dad are finally moving out and they are going to visit my brother for a few months it should be fun for them. I have had a great week or so I found out that some of my best friends are going to come visit for Sean's birthday and I cant wait haven't seen them is so long and I miss them so much! Just a little update for whoever reads this. I cant wait to see my husband its going to be a great 10days!

"Vacation" no Learning Experiance!

Well I have been on what was supposed to be a vacation but instead it has been like a slow trip threw hell! First and foremost I'm going to avoid California at all cost from now on! I have discovered that the people in my life that I thought should be a sort of home for me turns out is not. I did discover that even though i have been gone for years from a true friend. I can walk threw the door and be right at home. Walking in to her home is like coming home. I went straight to the kitchen and helped with dinner. I was welcomed with open arms and treated like one of the family. I was missed and loved the way only real family dose. I stayed as long as I could and didn't want to leave. In contrast I walked in to a family function with my "real family" I felt like a stranger walking in to a room full of accusing eyes. Even when I tried to be friendly and say hello I was met with cold greetings and then ignored for the rest of the night. I have never felt more unwanted then i did with me "family". I tried to spend most of my time with my friends and for the most part had a great time! I love my friends they are always trying to make my life a better weather its cheering me up when I'm missing my husband or taking me to the ER when I do something stupid to hurt my self LOL. I learned a lot about myself and the people in my life during this trip. I now know that the only person in my life that truly understands me is my husband. My best friends are all vary different people but together they make up the kind of person i want to be. They all love me and play vary vital parts in my life. Some are my strength some are my humor some are my shoulder to cry on. I'm now in salt lake sick but happy to be with my parents. Doing the things we want to do! I love my parents they are the kinda parents that will go without to give there children everything and for the first time in there marriage they are doing things for them and I am so happy to help them just like they have helped me for my whole life. I have discovered that life is really about the people that you choose to have in your life and if you choose to keep the right kinda people in your life you will enjoy life to its fullest. Everyday we make choose to create our life and after my learning experience I know the kind of life I want to create and the people I want in it.

Family

I define the word family as someone you cant imagine not in your life. Weather that be a good thing or bad? There are many degrees of family there is the family you stuck with like mom, dad, brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles etc. Then you have the family you choose like your friends and neighbors that you choose to involve in you life and there is the dreaded in law factor! OK I know not all in laws are scary and its true I have some great in laws but I also have some I would choose not to have in my life. Like family you don't get to choose the in laws either the person you choose to share your life with brings them and then you siblings bring them and well that's not always fun. I have made a promise to myself that my family will only consist of the people I choose. If i feel that someone is good for my life then I hope to keep them in my life. I am so blessed to have the family I have! Lately my "family" has been going threw changes and as far as I'm concerned I'm think its all for the best. Finally someone I haven't wanted any where near my family for a long time is gone and I believe that it is the bets for all party's. Hopefully now I can have a better relationship with members of my family that she has pulled away from me. I'm so happy with my life and I hope to only make it better and to expand my family!

Life

Well now that once again my life has turned upside down. I have been think alot about what I really want and really what I want is y husband but I will just have to suffer for awhile. Tell then I really want to go to massage school in Tucson. The school my dad went to I think it will be a great experience. Who knows everything can change tomorrow and I will be looking at maby yet another future. My life always changing one day I'm feeling great working out everyday and the next I'm spending everyday at the hospital getting worry lines trying to figure out what to do about my parents. As much as I know they can take care of them selves it still worries me to think that I may not be there to take care of them if they need it. I can only hope that they live close to one of my brothers or sisters and if needed someone will be there. I'm trying to focus on the life my husband is working so hard to build and I think I'm doing my part. I go to the gym five days a week. I take my medicine and I do whatever he needs me to do. As much as I miss my friends and my family I miss my husband the most! Being without him is like not having air to breath. I have no one to turn too. I cant always ask him hay what do you think about this. He calls as much as possible and he has it way worse then me. Still I hope and pray that I will get threw the rest of this year with speed and the next thing I know he will be home and we can move forward in our life together.